


show me I'm not disguesting?

by inky_button



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Men Crying, Sad, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, happyish ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 09:20:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15578700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inky_button/pseuds/inky_button
Summary: i feel bad so imma make lance suffer, I'm sorrylance hurts himself and keith helps him through it





	show me I'm not disguesting?

will I feel better?  
will the pain stop?  
will I feel worth something?  
will anyone care?

why am I disguising? why was my body made wrong? why was I made at all...?

his minds in a different place, his hairs a mess and he cant talk to anyone. he felt sick with himself all the time, mirrors only pointed out everything anyone could see was wrong with him, his acne, his chubby face, his weird nose, long forehead, fat body, ribs broken looking with the way they bent, looking at his body made him so sad and sick of himself. he set out to eat nothing, liking the empty feeling but hated himself when he put any food in his body "why did you do that? you'll never be a real man if you have that! disguising!" were always his thoughts 

he'd cry so much he had red spots above his eyes from crying for hours and under the eyes were just dark from years of not sleeping enough, he told himself he was nothing because that's what someone used to tell him

he felt guilty, people needed him and all he could do was sit and cry about himself?! he just wanted to hurt on the outside instead 

the small knife he held slowly made its way to his left arm, starting at the inside of the elbow it tore open the flesh slowly at it made its way to his wrist like a trickle or water making a river out of his arms reminding him of back at home, taking blade out of sharpeners 

the second cut was even slower because he needed the pain it was all he was worth, all he was worth was numbers; seventh wheel, like a one out of ten, his weight, how tall he was and whatever else people said he was worth. he felt ill but kept making long rivers of red trying into an ocean on his legs. his eyes went dark as he heard foot steps going past his room 'ha, guess they really don't care...' he combed through his hair as he cried, dying his hair red with the on going flow 

the alarm brought him back, he couldn't stand, he's too weak and they don't need him they'd be better without him. 

no even five minutes after it even off he got a knock at the door even if he wasn't crying so hard that he couldn't talk he couldn't have told the person to come in with the mess he was in 

"allaur said to tell you it was a test and you failed." it was keith's soft voice that taunted him, keith was better then him in every way so why did he have to be here? 

"don't tell me you're still in bed." keith said in disbelief. lance coughed and tried to make his voice sound like he hadn't just tried to lose his life to stupidity and like he'd cried for an hour straight 

"I-I'm up..." talking was a mistake because he just sobbed and covered his mouth so keith didn't hear but his words already gave him away 

"I- are you alright?" keith sounded worried or maybe just shocked that lance had emotions

"I'm fine..." he sounded pitiful even to himself 

"I'm coming in." lance panicked as he remembered the door wasn't locked, keith opened it and his eye widened, mouth dropped and breathing ragged. he dropped down to lance and pulled lance close, 

"you're gonna get blood on you..." lance let out a heartaching sob and keith just pulled him closer and wanted to cry himself 

"y-you're covered in blood and worried about me?!" keith breathed so his next sentence wouldn't be as anger but it just came out sadly "what happened...?" lance pointed to the small knife covered in blood. keith picked lance up and took him into the bathroom sitting him on the side and pulling out bandages and carefully wrapped up the hurt arms after washing it "why did you do this?" keith sounded so pained and lance felt so damn guilty 

"who doesn't want to be red?" he smiled as his joke trying to lighten the mood but it didn't work, his smile faded "everyone would be better off it I wasn't in the way..." 

"so this was more then just- you aimed to end yourself?!" keith let himself cry then "we need you lance! hell /I/ need you!" he hugged lance as he fished wrapping him up 

lance whispered sadly into his eye "please show me I'm not disgusting..." keith pulled out of the hug to look at lance, he softly grabbed his face bringing their lips together 

keith let the hot tears drip down his face, he let himself sound scared and angry "who ever told you that you're disguesting is blind and deaf." lance laughed as they both cried "god, I'm going to have to be with you 24/7... we can worry more later but first we need to get that blood out of your hair."

lance took the longest shower of his life while keith washed the blood out of his hair becuase he couldnt have the wrapped arm in the water 

after the shower the two hugged on lances bed "i love you so much, please never do anything like this again." 

"I'm sorry that i did that..." 

did he feel better? yes  
did the pain stop? yes  
did he feel worth something? yes  
did anyone care? yes

**Author's Note:**

> i feel really depressed and wanted to cut but i didnt because I dont know if i'd feel anybetter, i still want to self harm an hour later so yeah, sometimes i just want to end everything but hey new fanfic so y'all cant be too mad at me


End file.
